Gemaakt door Joost van Oorschot

zondag 11 maart 2007

Snow-white modern version

Once upon a time, in a country far, far away, a queen was chatting with her friends on the internet while staring outside her window at the beautiful snow. She was typing so fast and so long, that her fingers began to bleed. A droplet of blood fell on some snow that lay on the windowstill. As she looked at the blood on the snow she said to herself, "Oh, how I wish that I had a daughter that had skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as the night."Soon after that, the queen gave birth to a baby girl who had skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair dark as the night. They named her Princess Snow White, but sadly, the queen died after giving birth to Snow White.

Soon after, the king took a new wife who was beautiful, but very proud and possessed evil powers. She also possessed a magic laptop, to whom she would often ask, "laptop, laptop on my lap, who's the fairest of them all?" and to which the laptop would always answer, "You are." But after Snow White became seven when she asked her laptop, it responded, "Queen, you're the fairest where you are, but Snow White is more beautiful by far."

The Queen was jealous, and ordered a gangster to take Snow White into the getto to be killed. She demanded that the gangster return with Snow White's lungs and liver as proof. The gangster took Snow White into the getto, but found himself unable to kill the girl. Instead, he let her go, and brought the queen the lungs and liver of somebody else.
Snow White discovered a tiny cottage in the getto, belonging to seven members of a gang of youth, where she rested. Meanwhile, the Queen asked her laptop once again, "Who's the fairest of them all?", and was horrified when the laptop told her that Snow White, who was alive and well and living with the gang of youth, was still the fairest of them all.

Three times the Queen disguised herself and visited the gang of youth’s cottage trying to kill Snow White. First, disguised as a peddler, the Queen offered colorful stay-laces and laced Snow White up so tight that she fainted, and the Queen took her for dead. Snow White was revived by the members of the gang of youth when they loosened the laces. Next, the Queen dressed as a different old woman and combed Snow White's hair with a poisoned comb. Snow White again collapsed, and again the gang members saved her. Lastly the Queen made a poisoned iPod, and in the disguise of a seller offered it to Snow White. She was hesitant, so the Queen took one earphone ( the one that wasn’t poisened ) and gave the poisoned earphone to Snow White. She listened to the music of the iPod and immediately fell into a deep, magical sleep. When the gang members found her, they could not revive her, so they placed her in a glass coffin, thinking that she had died.

Time passed, and a policeman travelling through the land saw Snow White in her coffin. The policeman was enchanted by her beauty and instantly fell in love with her. He ordered the gangmembers to let him have the coffin. The policeman and his men carried the coffin away, but as they went they stumbled. The coffin jerked and the poisened earphone of the iPod popped out of her ear. The policeman then declared his love and soon a wedding was planned. The vain Queen, still believing that Snow White was dead, again asked her laptop who was fairest in the land and yet again the laptop disappointed her by responding that, "You, my queen, are fair; it is true. But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you." Not knowing that this new queen was indeed her stepdaughter, she arrived at the wedding, and her heart filled with the deepest of dread when she realized the truth. As punishment for her wicked ways, she had to listen to rap and R ‘n B music all the rest of her life.

The policeman and Snow-white, found a nice house in the sub-urbs and got three healthy children. They lived happily ever after
Joost van Oorschot, G1a

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